The Parley of Sconsano
by Elliot Pole
Summary: Candace knows that Perry is a secret agent and tries to tell Phineas, but he won't listen. At the Peter Panda, Stacy awaits to hear the story, though she doesn't know if she can trust in Dandace's sanity since Jeremy is spending a week in Belgium.
1. Chapter 1

**The Varokith Lavoriv**

"Phineas! You've got to see what Perry is doing!"

Phineas was getting very annoyed with Candace, and he wasn't easy to annoy.

"I'm busy trying to build a tunnel that allows the person going into it to travel through solid objects with minimal danger to themselves, and interruptions are not welcome. Also, this isn't a three-eighths," Phineas called to Ferb.

Ferb pointed to a miniature chalkboard on which was written, I BORROWED THE 3/8THS. NEED TO FINISH SCIENCE PROJECT AND I CANNOT BOTHER TO GO ALL THE WAY TO THE HARDWARE STORE AND SHELL OUT MONEY FROM BUFORD'S PIGGY BANK. –FROM BALJEET

HIZ NOT BUYIN ANYTHIN WITH EUROS – BYUFORD. P.S., I MADE BALJIT TYPE IN ALL CAPS.

"I can't believe so much lettering can fit on a four-by-four chalkboard," Phineas said.

"Buford can't even spell his name right," Candace said, shaking her head.

"What'cha doing?" Isabella asked, prancing into the yard.

"Contemplating on how I can build a phasing tunnel without a three-eighths wrench."

"You'll figure it out," Isabella said. "Oh look, a message on a chalkboard."

She went to read it.

"Could we return to the matter of Perry's whereabouts?"

"He's just somewhere," Phineas said.

"No, he's not just somewhere. He's in a sixty-five story building fighting an evil scientists."

"I'm glad to see your imagination is improving," Phineas said.

"It's the truth!"

"Sure it is, Candace. But I've got work to do."

"Don't you want to know where Perry goes every day?"

"Yes, Candace, it would be nice. But if we found out, it wouldn't be a mystery anymore."

"It's not a mystery to me!"

"Candace, I and Ferb have heard you over and over. But really, a Platypus as a secret agent is quite far-fetched."

"They do have poisonous ankle barbs, though," Ferb said. "Which could be useful for a secret agent."

"Yeah, but really…our pet wouldn't put himself in such danger. I mean, it's cool and everything, but…hey! I know what we should do tomorrow!"

"Come with me to see Perry in action?" Candace asked.

"We're going to build a Perry robot that acts as a secret agent. I bet Perry would love it."

"That would be a clone of your own platypus," Candace said.

Candace's phone gave off its "Breaking Through" by Avril Lavgne ringtone.

"Hello, Stace."

"Enjoying your Jeremy-free week?"

"Of course not. And my brothers won't listen to me about Perry being a secret agent."

"Still harping on about that ridiculous story, huh?"

"It's true! I saw it, the whole thing…"

"If you're going to give a flashback, let's at least meet at that Chinese restaurant where you started trying to follow fortune cookies to bust your brothers."

"Why there?"

"NO one we know is likely to see us there and overhear you talking crazy."

"Is this any crazier than what Phineas and Ferb do every day?"

"No, but I've actually seen them at it. And I've never seen Perry fighting a mad scientist."

"He's not mad, he's evil! Vanessa showed me…"

"When we get to Peter Panda, you can tell me all about it

"Okay, see you there." She turned to where Phineas was, with Isabella by his side. "Phineas I'm going off to discuss things with Stacy. When I get back, I want you ready to march to the apartment building I saw so that you can see Perry in action."

"What's that, Candace?"

"You and Ferb are coming with me to witness Perry's hidden life firsthand."

"Ferb and I might be ready to play along, then."

"You will? Hey, wait a second—"

Isabella started pulling Candace out of the backyard. "You've got somewhere to be," she said.

"Oh, yeah. Guess I'd better get going then."

"So go."

"I'll return with proof that Perry is a secret agent or my name isn't Candace Marbella Flynn!"

"Your middle name is Marbella?"

"Did I say Marbella? I meant Gerturde."

"'Gertrude' is a long way away from Marbella."

"Yeah, well, I've got to convince my brothers that their pet is a secret agent, and that's not an easy task, all right?"

"It's a nice theory, Candace, but it sounds so far-fetched. "

"It's true as silver pixies in the river of Heomot."

"I'm not sure how that analogy applies. But I've got patches to collect."

"If your pet Chiwuawau were a secret agent, you'd want to be informed wouldn't you?"

"It's pronounced Chihuahua. And Pinky couldn't be aecret agent. That would be so farcicial."

"I doubt Pinky is one, but Perry certainly is."

"Keep telling yourself that, Candace."

Isabella walked off, and Candace went in the other direction.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Parley of Sconsano**

**Chapter Two**

Candace slid into the seat across from Stacy. The latter tapped her watch. "You sure took a while."

"I was talking the long route. To get some fresh air before I begin my story."

"Are you ready to begin?"

"If you're ready to hear."

"Go ahead, then."

Candace patted her knees, took a deep breath, and commenced speaking very rapidly. "It all started when I woke up one morning to the sound of Phineas working a chisel…"

"Should we order noodles or _ming yin_?"

"What's ming yin?"

"A University in China. One of cousins might end up going there."

"I'm trying to tell the story of how I discovered where Perry goes every day."

"I realize that, but we could have some food while you tell it to me, couldn't we?"

"Fine. But no crab this time."

"I just wanted to get to try new things."

"Crab is too exotic for me."

"Hello? We're in a Chinese restaurant. Everything is exotic."

"So it all started with that annoying chisel…"

"Your orders, misses?"

"Who are you?" Candace asked, coldly.

"Your waiter, mademoiselle."

"A French guy, working at a Chinese restaurant?"

"I have three-way citizenship. And my uncle by marriage owns this restaurant."

"And he makes you work as a witer?"

"He'd rather have me wait tables than serve burnt grilled cheese."

"They have grilled cheese at a Chinese restaurant?"

"Yes, but it's not grilled and the 'cheese' is something you'd rather not know the promenance of."

"We'll take the crab Rangoon," Stacy said.

Candace kicked her under the table

"Ow!"

"I take it your friend with the wild foot doesn't like the idea of crab Rangoon."

"We'll take noodles, then."

"And what else?" the waiter asked, his pen poised to scribble down a longer order.

"Um, that's it?"

"As a Frenchman, I should be woefully appalled at your paucity of meat in what you have selected, But I am to serve what you order, the customer is king."

"Queen," Candace said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I am a female and thus would be queen."

"I was using the generic 'he', as in the reference to all mankind, not the male-oriented obtunesess you suspect me of."

"Just go bring our noodles so that I can back to telling my friend what happened, okay?"

"American teenagers," the waiter said as he walked away.

"I heard that!" Candace said.

"You can get back to the story now. I'm ready for it."

"No more interruptioons?"

"Well, the waiter might interrupt when he brings us our drinks, and then later when our food arrives."

"I don't recall ordering a drink."

"I ordered for you while you were spacing out. I hope strawberry soda will suffice?"

"It'll work nicely," Candace said.

The waiter returned, setting a glass of a red liquid before Candace. She took a sip.

"A Chinese restaurant with French waiters who serve Fanta. I think I'm about to go down a cultural mudslide."

"You beter hope your friend doesn't do anything drastic," the waiter said to Stacy.

"She won't, unless you plant a bowl of fortune cookies in fornt of her."

"OH, so _she's _the reason fortune cookies are no longer available for tabular display."

"I could make worse changes to this restaurant's habitude if you don't leave us now until you have food ready to serve or something else important to say."

"The French always have something important to say."

With that, the waiter left them in a huff.

Candace glared after him and Stacy had to shake her out of her reverie.

"Focus, Candace, Focus."

Candace took a sip of her strawverry soda.

"This reminds me of what went on the night before I discovered Perry's little secret, which turned out to be a huge secret. I was planning an _Early Evening _party. I would invite you and Jenny. Mom wouldn't like it if I had many more…remember when Jenny brought her cousin and twenty minutes later, the whole house was full? Plus the backyard. I got grounded, and I definitely don't want that to happen again."

"You can't have a party with only three people."

"Yeah, I know. So a couple more might have been all right, and Jeremy when he returns from Belgium..and Coltrane of course…"

"That's how the party that got you grounded began."

"Oh, right.."

"Let's get back to the story."

"Where was I?"

"You were waking up when you heard your brothers operating a chisel," the waiter said as he passed by, carrying a plate of egg rolls.

"NO one asked _upi_," Candace sai,d, but the waiter did not heed her.

"Just tell me about Perry being a secret-agent."

"Our food will get here soon. Perhaps we should wait."

"If you're intent about showing your brothers what their pet platypus is doing, you better first convince me."

"You won't be assured of it until you see the evidence."

"First tell me how you came across the evidence; then you can show me the locale."

"All right," Candace said. "But if that waiter interrupts again…"

"You'll know that you're converying your ideas to your friend here," the waiter sida.

"Will you knock it out?"

"I will knock it out once I know more about this mysterious platypus."

"Don't worry about him, Candace," Stacy said, seeing Candace's eye bulge with rage. "Just take another sip of strawberry soda and then begin the tale anew."

Candace took a deep breath and downed half her glass before she began the tale.


End file.
